hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i came on her dog
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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