Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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