I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
