My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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