I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
