my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
