Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
