I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
