Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
