I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
