4 words: hood of his car
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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