yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
