I looked at my own cervix.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
