Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
