What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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