I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
