I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
