I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
