i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
