I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
