I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
