I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
