big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
