I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
