you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
