Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
