I need to stop coming to work sober
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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