Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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