I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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