There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
