6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
