I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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