I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
