trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
