I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
