I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
