He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
