We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
