dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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