I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
