three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
