Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it glows. i had to have it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
