why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
