I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
