I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
