That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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