Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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