She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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