He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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