dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
