Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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