My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
