and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
