i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Randomize
