so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
